The one man who's never supposed to break your heart......

The one man who’s never supposed to break your heart……

Dad. Until the day he passes, then all bets are off.

My world shattered into a million pieces that have never been found. No matter what his faults were and I’m sure there were many that I overlooked because of who he was to me, I looked up to him, I respected him, he was my hero.

Looking back, I’m sure he probably wanted a boy, but what he got was a tomboy. I learned at a very early age about lawn mowers, snow blowers, mini bikes, fishing, swimming, how to drink out of the hose, how to shoot, and how suck or slurp spaghetti, one noodle at a time, oh how my mother was so mad at him for that one, I had sauce all over EVERYTHING!

Saturday mornings when he came home from the road, we’d watch Scooby Doo together and the Saturday Monster Movie Matinee, in which he’d cover my face when the monsters came out and protect me from them while we sat together in his recliner. He wasn’t around much as I was growing up but when he was, it was quality time; we were almost inseparable, he was an over the road truck driver, (18 wheeler), for a private company throughout most of the 70’s and by 1978 he was working for Yellow Freight out of Cleveland, Ohio when he retired ~ 30 years with the Teamsters.

He was truly the one who understood me, I realize that now, more than ever. From him came my love of animals, rose bushes, and pondering something. He always said pondering is not wasted time, you need to think about the outcome before jumping in with both feet. When the time came, he taught me all about the car or in his case his pickup truck. I knew how to change spark plugs, oil, antifreeze, tires, and how to drive a stick although the truck had 3 on the tree. And when it was time to wax that black pickup, oh did it shine.

We would go for a ride, he’d stop on some country back road and jump a fence and pick mushrooms for dinner. One day he stopped rather abruptly, jumped out and brought a soccer ball from the farmers field, that was the day he introduced me to puff balls – they’re even better than mushrooms!

One day he came in my room and said “I brought you something.” That made my heart happy, a gift from my dad. It was a prism, 3-sided long glass triangle. What’s that? I asked, he said “As long as you have a little sunshine you will always have a rainbow.” As my bedroom turned into beautiful colors.

He had my back one afternoon when I was sent to the principal’s office for refusing to dissect a frog in my 7th grade science class. One of the boys stuck an eyeball with a pin and ick sprayed out of it. Well I’d had enough of that! He was quiet till we got out in the truck, I thought I was in for a butt chewing, and I realized he was chuckling, “That’s my girl. Don’t tell your mother.”

Then came the facts of life, I really can’t tell you everything he said, he didn’t beat around the bush much. One was about Vodka; remember – no taste, no smell, no color and it’ll knock you on your ass. Well, let me tell you, he’s right, and it did, a couple of times. I listened, I just usually did my own thing anyway. One year for Christmas he gave me a set of cast iron fry pans. He told me I needed my own set for when I moved out. Season them, take care of them, and they’ll last you a life time. But there was another reason why he gave them to me. If anyone ever hits you, you swing with all your worth and make it count. They are still here with me today.

I must have been 14 or 15 years old, we were at a wedding reception, he walked up to me and asked me to dance, I did and he was so surprised that I could. He asked who taught me to dance? I learned in gym class, we danced most of the rest of the reception together.  

He could play anything with strings, self-taught, didn’t read sheet music, played everything by ear. While he was in the Navy he played the harmonica, because it fit in his pocket. When he was home, he and some friends would get together and play, both my parents could sing wonderfully and our house was usually filled with country music. One of our favorite songs was by the Beatles, I’ll follow the sun. It’s a beautiful acoustic song that he would sing to me when I was very young.

I could go on with so many more memories, as I type, my mind is flooded with them, but I'll keep the rest to myself. He was so very special to me.

The day he passed, they called my ex-husband first, he came home from work early, I saw the look on his face and I knew something was terribly wrong. I was not prepared to hear the words that came out of his mouth. It hit my heart so hard it shattered, down to my knees I fell. He died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. No final words, no last hug, no last I love you. Just gone. My God how I miss you.

I pray my memories will last me the rest of this lifetime. I can hear his chuckle at times and his acoustic guitar is here on a stand, I hear him playing it once in a while. I miss our Sunday evening race recap, but they hadn’t been the same since Dale Sr. died. And when I see a Sun Dog I Know it’s when I need you the most and that you always have my back, just like 7th grade, and yes, I promise, I won’t tell mom.

You used to tell me, no matter where we were, we were under the same moon.

Here’s to the moon, I love you Rodney J. Forever.

In love & light,

Lisa